Tasty ankles

There is nothing more gruesome than finding a foot - sixth in about a year - washed up on a cold beach in British Columbia, still in its shoe, so decomposed that it actually takes humanity a day to figure out it's actually just dog bones and sea weed, probably because it took everyone this long to actually touch it. I mean, the bones should have been a dead giveaway.

A number of theories have been advanced about the source of the other five, which have been determined to be legitimately human. The most accepted (and boring) one was that the rest of the body was eaten/decomposed away/was detached and sank, lacking the buoyancy of genuine Reebok footwear. If you must take that theory, you may take refuge in imagining what it was that ate the unfortunate Canadians? Was it a fish? A sea monster? Cthulhu? Acid currents in our water caused by environmental decay?

Of course, if you are willing to be a little less grounded in, well, fact, then the possibilities are endless. Who knows? Perhaps there was a horrific crash on sea somewhere off the Malay Peninsula and the feet are only washing up now? Or is it the 11th plague? When I know, dear readers, so will you. Off the record, on the Q.T. and very....